Not everything that shines is actually gold....

- that's what my mother used to say. And as is often the case with mothers, she was completely right, even though I didn't always see it that way when she was alive - that, I believe, is just as typical when it comes to mothers/daughters ;)

It seems to be just as true that no year goes by without some major changes happening in my life. Some of them are good, some great - and some really bad.

Why would 2009 be an exception, I ask?

It started out nicely on Saba, but unfortunately things went rapidly downhill. The details are quite dramatic and will take a while for me to process, but I'll live and I'll land on my feet once again.

I made the decision to finally accept the offer to come and work in a small resort in Indonesia. We have been emailing for 2 years, but the timing was never right. Do you believe in destiny? I don't know if I do, but on the 19th March 2009 things happened……it was 7 years ago that Martin died, so it was a difficult day to start with. It was also the day that turned my life upside down and I found out that I should have trusted my gut feeling. And it was the day that the Gangga Island Resort & Spa wrote me the most pleading email so far.

It took my head a couple of months to convince my heart, but it seemed like the only logical solution. I believe you all know how much I love Jan (enough to let him persuade me to return to Saba last year, even though I'd said I'd never ever never return!!!), so I am sure you can appreciate how difficult the decision to go to Indonesia was.

Jan supported me, though, and put a lot of effort into looking for work somewhere in this region, so that he could be closer to me. Unfortunately, our relationship couldn't be fixed; there was too much damage. Reality is the best possible cure for dreams - and this dream was no longer realistic.

Saba was a traumatic experience in several ways, but I also met some truly amazing people and made some friends for life.

"Always trust your compass"….That's what we teach divers. You may think you know better, but you don't - you should always trust your compass, it's always right. The lesson I learned on Saba was: "Always trust your gut feeling". If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck and walks like a duck; guess what: it IS a duck - even if it tries to convince you that it's a swan. I'll make an effort to never ignore or even doubt my instinct again……

Stay tuned for the next two updates: "Around the world in 7 days" and "No paradise without a burning dump"


Lotsa xxx